Close at a Young Age

Close at a Young Age

Aneysa & Matthew at one month old waiting to be fed

            At a very young age, Matthew and I were very close. We had our own “twin” language as our mother called it, and didn’t start talking until we were a little over three years old. We were joined at the hip and did everything together. It seemed as though nothing could separate us and of course our mother wanted it to stay that way for the rest of our lives. Our mother has been a big influence on us since she raised us alone.

            Parenting matters and our parents have a lot of influence on us growing up (Kaufman, 2008). Take for instance, a Spanish family which speaks Spanish in the household but English outside of their household and they have a set of twins. Those babies will grow up learning both languages, but primarily Spanish due to their parents (Kaufman, 2008). The influence our parents have on us is definitely high. However, that influence is influenced by something else (Kaufman, 2008).

            Genes play a big role in behavior differences and similarities (Kaufman, 2008). Different traits within an individual are based on that person’s genes. Environmental factors do play a role in the development of a trait, but so do genes and parents (Kaufman, 2008). Although we can attribute those factors to behaviors within twins, unfortunately heritability isn’t much help to seeing how likely which twin would get which characteristics from their parents (Kaufman, 2008). We never really know which twin will inherit one or both parents’ behaviors until they start getting older (Kaufman, 2008).

            Once Matthew and I got older, we started seeing who was more like what parent. Our father was never really into education, but our mother was. That was really the only trait that we displayed from them, otherwise I was like our father and Matthew was like our mother.  Different characteristics can be based on heritability, but that can’t be proven (Kaufman, 2008). Nobody really knows if environmental factors come into play (Kaufman, 2008). The lingering question that still can’t be answered by different studies, is a twin’s traits due to nature or nurture (Kaufman, 2008)?

            Matthew and I were raised primarily by our mother. She and our father divorced when we were two; therefore a lot of her morals and values are instilled in us to this day. The great woman and man we are now, we owe to our mother. The way she spoke in front of us made us feel like that’s how we wanted to be when we grow up. Our mother was number one growing up, so it felt only right for us to want to be more like her since she was such a great person. After a while though, we truly saw which twin would have more characteristics of each parent than the other.

            When Matthew and I were in our early teens, I was more like our father and my brother was the exact opposite, more like our mother. I had a smart mouth and was very outgoing. I never really cared about what I said to people. On the other hand, Matthew was very soft spoken and didn’t speak to many people he didn’t know. He definitely stayed away from confrontation as much as possible. Once we got older though, things started to change in both of us. Matthew started becoming cold towards people and didn’t really care what he said to people. I became a soft person and started wearing my heart on my sleeve, just like my mother. Things have definitely changed with mine and Matthew’s behaviors that we inherited from our parents.

            At this point in our lives, Matthew is more like my father and I am more like my mother. I am closer to my mother than I am with my father, but Matthew isn’t closer to one than the other. I think about relationships I have with my parents and Matthew does his own thing until he feels like he needs to speak with them. He still has morals and values that came from our upbringing by our mother, but he still hasn’t completely conformed back to the Matthew we use to know. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a bad person, he just isn’t as loving as he used to be. I have a lot of bad attributes of my father, but that doesn’t make me less of a person or he less of a person. Hopefully one day Matthew and I will be able to get control of the wrong behaviors we inherited from our parents and turn them into positive attributes of our own.

Kaufman, B.S., Moore, D.S. (2008, October 24) Straight talk about twin studies, genes, and parenting: What makes us who we are. Psychology Today. Retrieved March 6, 2012, from the World Wide Web: http://www.psychologytoday.com/node/2155.